SAME SEX WEDDINGS AREN’T REALLY DIFFERENT FROM HETEROSEXUAL WEDDINGS.
If you’ve ever watched the Key and Peele parody (see below) then you quickly get it. It’s a wedding, it’s a regular wedding. But there are a few differences, and the differences lie not really in the fact that the couple is the same gender, but more in the couple’s preferences. Likely, you’ll either both be a MR or both be a MRS, so stationery and signage will need to be altered accordingly (cake topper, invite, couple’s introductions etc.). Here are a 6 wedding traditions that will need some extra thought:
1. THE BRIDE WEARS A DRESS, THE GROOM WEARS A SUIT
For brides: one or both of you, or neither of you can wear a dress, wear what you want! White or not, you should feel fancy and that’s the only requirement.
For grooms: neither of you should feel obligated to wear a dress, but you also shouldn’t feel the need to wear matching suits. Again, you should feel special in whatever your wearing. Think about hidden accents that match, like tie/bowtie, jacket lining, socks or boutonnieres.
Check out a wedding planned by my friend Laine with two brides and two wedding dresses. Video by Laurel Wedding Films.
2. THE BRIDE GET DRESSED IN A BRIDAL SUITE, THE GROOM GETS SHAFTED LOL
Okay, if you are both brides, and you want to get ready separately, then you’ll need to decide who gets the fancy room, or you’ll want to find a venue which has two getting ready rooms (but still, one is probably more fancy than the other). This should probably be the one who cares more about getting ready pictures, and again, this only matters if you are not seeing each other before the first look.
Likewise for grooms; my grooms have often gotten ready together at a hotel room, but if you want to be surprised with what your husband is wearing then separate, one of you at the venue, the other at home; or one of you at the hotel, the other at home; or one of you at the venue and the other at the hotel... you get it right?
Don’t let the ‘bridal suite’ term throw you off. Just like in a pinch I use the men’s bathroom, so too should you feel confident in using a room to get ready in which has gendered name. Technically you are both brides no matter what, the correct term is bridegroom #englishlessonoftheday.
Check out this video by Sky Blue Productions, Johanna got ready in the bridal suite, Julia at the hotel.
3. WOMEN HOLD BOUQUETS, MEN HAVE BOUTONNIERES
Well, yes, but what if the woman is wearing a suit, she could have either a boutonniere or a bouquet. And I don’t see anything wrong with a man holding a bouquet! It should be what feels comfortable for you. Inspiration photos below by Kyle Loves Tori Photography:
4. THE BRIDE IS ESCORTED DOWN THE AISLE BY HER FATHER, TO HER EXCITEDLY AWAITING GROOM.
For brides: Perhaps one of you does want to wait at the alter, and the other does want to be escorted down the aisle. Perhaps you both want to be escorted in by your father, perhaps not. Think about an entrance that feels special to you, but also one that honors the people in your life (parents particularly) who have supported you most tenderly.
For grooms: Same same. I’ve had grooms enter from opposite sides of the room simultaneously, or walk down the aisle together, in silence, and I’ve had grooms escort their mothers down the aisle, one pair at a time. Again, do what feels right.
SHORT DIGRESSION: Not gunna lie, I LOVE the idea of writing your own vows, making them heartfelt and truly emotionally charged. Sixpence groom’s Ned and Ryan opted to do so for their wedding, and they read their vows before the ceremony to each other privately. UGH. Cue the joyful tears gushing from my non-mascara’ed eyeballs. They did not have a videographer, so watch these strangers’ wedding video and pretend it’s exactly what I described.
5. AFTER THE FIRST DANCE, THE BRIDE DANCES WITH HER DAD AND THE GROOM DANCES WITH HIS MOTHER.
Uhmm, how is this wedding tradition not the same for a gay wedding?!? I mean, for brides, dance with your dads! For grooms, dance with your moms! For ALL I suggest doing the dance as pairs together to the same song, or at least shortening the song that you dance to to 2 minutes, that way everyone stays engaged and you don’t feel awkward at the 5 minute mark.
Photos by Carly Milbrath Photography of the first dance (and then some)…
6. THE GROOM DIPS THE BRIDE FOR THE FIRST KISS.
Oh boy, feminists unite on this one. Instead of getting swept into a sociological discussion about the underlying subservience message in marriage, let’s just focus on the dip. Who is stronger with better balance? There’s our dipper.
Furthermore, the phrase“You may now kiss the bride”, as though someone other than the bride can give the groom permission to kiss the bride…. DEEP BREATH >> So. If there is no bride, don’t say that part. If your a feminist, don’t say that part. Instead try out a rendition of the following:
You may now kiss each other/one another/your new spouse/ your husband / your wife!
Hurrah! All cheer at seeing you touch lips. So, do you see? A same sex wedding is a GD mother loving wedding. It’s romantic, it’s special, it’s forever and momentous. Tell me friend, how are you making your same sex wedding different?
Prosperity, Love & Happiness,
Header photo by Krista Reynolds